Black Hawk, April 24, 2010

The packages I have received have been amazing. I can’t believe your generosity! My peers are grateful, I am attaching a picture. The hospital is grateful; many of the items you sent were donated. I didn’t get to help deliver due to my busy schedule, but I am sure that I will get to go in the future. 

I am having trouble with my lap top, so I don’t have internet in my room. Connectivity and time is limited at work, so I cannot return all of the emails that I am getting. However, please keep sending your thoughts as it is a great reminder of the real world out there, which is perspective that I sometimes need.

Fortune has smiled on me once again. I got a ride in a Black Hawk to Mazar E Sharif. Who can say they got to ride in a helicopter over the Hindu Kush Mountains? The beauty of the snow covered mountains was stunning, and the beauty of the plains beyond was indescribable. It was a mini-grand canyon, with colors like Artists Palette in Death Valley. I kept thinking that this would have been preserved and developed into a major resort destination anywhere else in the world. We flew so close to the ground that I could see the roads and trails, and they were calling me like the Swiss Alps called Maria in the Sound of Music.

And more fortune…I am traveling to the states next week for a conference. My husband will be meeting me and we will have a week together. I’ll be working, but coming home to him every night—after all, home is wherever he is. I will be in the mid west for 2 ½ weeks, then back to the grindstone.

I sometimes call my peers in the mobility shop “my boys”. I mean that affectionately. We are together 12-15 hours a day and we get chow together too. We have a lot of challenges, but we are having fun. Last night, I had a girl’s dinner with Mary and Jen. My boys teased me about ditching them. Mary and Jen said their boys did the same thing to them!

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Here are some photos from my Black Hawk Ride:

Wax On, Wax Off, April 18, 2010

Fridays and Sundays are low ops tempo days, which means we only work 8 to 10 hours. These are the days that I hope to get in a long run. Friday morning, I had every hope of getting an 8 miler in. During the first lap, my legs felt like lead. Every fiber in my legs were screaming to my brain “give it up…go back to bed”. Since I’m not the give it up kind of gal, at the end of the lap, I stopped, stretched and shook my legs and then kept going. No change. As I ran, I started thinking through the probable causes of this fatigue/pain. I had to wear my 40 lbs of battle rattle three times this week, even exercised in it. I didn’t drink enough water the day before. I’m not getting enough sleep. And the list goes on. With those probable causes, I gave myself permission to stop, stretch and shake at the end of the second, third and fourth laps. If I were a novice runner, I would have bagged the run and gone back to bed.

These are the kind of runs that make you hate running, and for a lot of people, prevent them from becoming a runner. Instead of enjoying the music and the scenery, you are thinking about running…about how your legs feel, about how tight (or loose) your shoes are, about your heart rate, about your pace, about the pain, etc. All this feedback from your body to your brain is one of nature’s ways to protect you from injury. However, I battled it out and completed 9 laps, for about 6.3 miles. The last 5 laps were enjoyable—it was the reward for battling it out.

How does one know when it is your body’s basic instinct meant to protect you from injury versus it is ok to battle through? I don’t really know for sure, but this is what I am thinking. While we have certain basic instincts that drive our actions, we also have freedom to choose to control those instincts. We don’t have to react immediately (or at all) to what our instincts/urges tell us to do. We have the ability to think through a litany of information that lives in our brain—our education and training, past history, our goals, desires, etc. For me, this information told me that my stride is still good (education and training), I’d felt this before and actually lived (history), if I don’t keep going, I’m going to be a bitch today (goals and desires), etc. So, with the power of positive thinking, I battled through.

To steal a line from Steven Covey, a habit is the intersection of knowledge, skills and desire. I suppose that this means that running is a habit for me, but I also think of it as a simple example of self mastery—control over ones desires and actions. This is a basic human freedom that we are endowed with, and it is easy to squander--if you don’t use it, you lose it. The power of the brain to rationalize excuses is enormous, and it is oh, so tempting to listen!

My thoughts about the Taliban are this: They are scared of their own basic instincts, and think to control or regulate them through law, rather than through self control. As far as their treatment of woman…if they can make her go away or be invisible, they do not have to deal with their instinctual desires. When they do have to deal with women, such as their wives, they rationalize that their own bad behavior is her fault because she was the temptation. It is a shame that they have ultimate control over their women, but do not have basic control over their own actions.

Back to enjoying the scenery during a run…not so much here at NKC. However, we can smell the lilacs which are blooming behind our big ass walls. It gets you breathing deep, until you get to the port a johns. To which I respond to my fellow soldiers…smells like money…did you remember to pay your sewer bill back home?

My running buddies probably already know this, but most of my updates home are written in my head during a run. This one was written during that last 5 laps. Attached are few photos of one of my journeys this week, plus of our combat Olympics.

We also did a buddy carry—I carried a 190lbs guy, with his 40 lbs of gear, plus my 40 lbs of gear about 50 yards.  Thank God for runner’s legs!

Some Days the Dragon Wins, April 11, 2010

One of the many lessons Chief Frey taught me is that some days the dragon wins. I’ve thought a lot about the Chief the last few days, because at the end of the day, it sure seems like the dragon is winning. When I first got here, I said “we work until we are finished”. A couple of weeks ago, I said “we work until we give up”. Now, I’m a little smarter (and a little older, too…I think we are living dog years here…every day is aging me by 7 days ; ). I am learning to recognize when I’m out of brain power, and calling it a day. When I trudge back to my room (which takes all of two minutes) I feel like a knight in shining armor, with my head hung low, dragging my shield and sword behind me, only to emerge the next day to fight the dragon again. My outlook is always brighter in the morning, and the victories of the prior day are evident in the light of the day.

Another lesson I’ve learned recently from a colleague at the City (you know who you are) is the art of the stalemate. There is sense of urgency about everything we do here, but there is also an art to knowing when to let things ride. I’m an “Action Officer”, which means I get things done. I am learning that sometimes doing nothing is a better course of action. Sometimes, you let the dragon win.

I got to run 23 miles this week! Running is the perfect attitude adjustment in the middle of the day. I swear the more miles I put in, the more productive I am. I really can do more in less time on the job because of it.

Below is my friend Mary’s email to her folks back home, plus a picture of both of us. I thought it hilarious and true. I hope you do too. We call her Sunday because one of the Afghani interpreters told her that she is so beautiful that God must have made her on a Sunday, when he had some extra time. 

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Every Sunday, they open up a section of the NKC for Afghan vendors to come in and sell stuff.  I am making it my personal mission on this deployment to support the local economy.  Jo, Jenn and I cruised the bazaar yesterday afternoon, when Jo had a minute to spare in between preparing for her 4-star general to visit and an upcoming drill. I shop for scarves, shawls, blankets, jewelry, samovars, t-shirts, purses, wall hangings, furniture, carvings, walking sticks, bowls, burkas, and stuff like that (did I mention jewelry?).  Jenn shops for things for her sons, mainly.   Jo, well, I haven't quite figured out what Jo shops for, other than to determine it is not similar to what usually catches MY eye!  Caught up with Jo browsing through items on a table sold by an Afghan who specializes in antiques. Jo liked the chain mail...tank top?  And the helmet.  Hence the picture.  And yes, Jo bought both items.

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Which Team is Your First Team?, April 4, 2010

I am a member of the CDDOC team and the USFOR-A team, and am finding that there are conflicts between the two. Technically speaking, as a Liaison Officer (LNO), I am to represent and advocate for CDDOC, assist USFOR-A in any issue or action that involves CDDOC or CDDOC interests. I can’t speak for USFOR-A, and I am not in their chain of command, so I have no authority to get things done. Yet, I am managing to get things done. This has pleasantly surprised a few people.

I am working on a lot of things at the tactical level that are normally outside CDDOC interests. My boss (well, sort of) here at USFOR-A told me one night this week that he appreciates my energy, my influence and my intellect. Hmmm, that is quite a compliment. What it really means is that he wants me to keep doing these things outside of CDDOC’s “lane”. If I let him, he’ll wear me out. This guy works twenty hours a day, and nothing is outside his lane…he likes employees that are team players, willing to go the extra mile, and that put out quality work. He seems to identify those willing employees, and rides them hard.

There are three other LNOs here (all from different agencies), and we’ve been having a philosophical discussion about how “willing” we should be. We could just pull out our “LNO card” and spare ourselves these long, hectic days. By that I mean, just say no, and USFOR-A has no recourse. This idea really irritates me, but it is a valid idea, for various reasons that I won’t go into here, or you’ll call me a whiner.

So, the fundamental question is: Which team is my first team? Do I stay in my lane and only work on CDDOC issues, or do I assist USFOR-A on whatever issues they assign? CDDOC signs my evaluation, so it seems simple. However, here is how I am looking at this, and advising my fellow LNOs. My first team, the team I owe my loyalty too, is our war fighters. I’m going to do everything in my power, and within my skill set to support them. I am a Logistics Readiness Officer and a Leader in the United States Air Force. I came here to apply my knowledge skills and abilities to the problem of fielding the force, protecting the force and sustaining the force, and by God, that is what I will do.

There are significant hurdles in Afghanistan at the tactical level of logistics. If these hurdles aren’t cleared, it doesn’t matter if the strategic and operational “pipelines” are synchronized and optimized (my job, as assigned by CDDOC). If we can’t get the war fighter his stuff, CDDOC may as well go home. Therefore, I’m convinced that my second team is USFOR-A, and my third team is CDDOC. It is with a little sadness that I come to this conclusion…it means that I’m not going to get much sleep while I am here. No matter, I can sleep when I get home.

Warfighters first!