I had hoped to expand upon my Aug 4 epilogue post, as there are still many more "gains" from my deployment to think about and quantify, but I think it is done for now. Still, I wanted to let you all know that I am doing fine and give you an update.
A week has passed since the memorial for my father and I am starting to get my thinking cap back on. However, I am finding that my thoughts are split in too many directions. I wanted to spend some time reflecting on my deployment…it was so eventful and was a life changing experience. I need to spend time on Air War College…I have to test before the end of the month. I have a rewarding job I need to get back to. I need to spend time with my family, undistracted. People think I have it easy because I don’t have kids. Their wrong—I have a large extended family that rely on me just as much.
Such is life for a citizen soldier…life balance is never easy, it is just more complicated when you throw in military demands, in addition to work and family demands. I've always said that life for a citizen soldier is like sitting on a three legged stool...it takes a lot of core strength to keep everything in balance. So, it is time to prioritize and get busy.
I am taking my first of seven tests on Tuesday, then heading to North Dakota to drive with my nephew from Minot Air Force Base to Las Vegas so he can start school at UNLV using his hard earned GI Bill. He completes his active duty tour on August 19, so naturally, I hope to recruit him into the Nevada Air National Guard during this trip :) My husband will meet me in Vegas and we will spend a few days at the Venetian relaxing by the pool, where my neice works as a pool side attendant...I think we'll need lots of towels, water, and fruit, in separate trips, of course. She is also a student at UNLV and she made the reservations for us...I think she made them for days that she doesn't work...she is pretty clever that way. We come home in time for me to test again, if needed (God forbid), then off to Burning Man! We are taking another of my neices with us to Burning Man, and it will be wonderful seeing everything through her eyes. Finally, I'll be back to work around September 15.
Thanks again for your thoughts and support, for your support of our nation's military and especially our citizen soldiers.
Home, August 5, 2010
Thank you all for your love and support over the last six months. I wanted to let you know that I made it home safely last night. Unfortunately, I came home to bad news. My father passed away unexpectedly on August 3. I missed him by one day. He was my friend, my mentor and my moral compass.
I appreciate your love and support over the next couple of weeks, but I really am not up to having visitors. The memorial will be on Sunday at 2:00 at the Lord of Mercy Lutheran Church at 3400 Pyramid way (corner of Pyramid and Queen Way).
Epilogue 1, August 3 & 4, 2010
When we arrived at Baltimore, the USO had 20 or more volunteers cheering us on. They had cow bells and whistles and made us feel really good. They also handed out goodie packages. That was a great welcome home. The USO is everywhere there are American troops, providing food, phones and internet, all free. What a great organization…it made me think of another possible activity in retirement…work for the USO.
As I review the last six months, it now all seems like a dream. The deployment was nothing like I thought it was going to be, and I didn’t achieve any of my personal goals—to finish Air War College, come home in ½ marathon shape and be a much better swimmer so as to start triathlon training. You would think that I would be disappointed, but I can’t find any disappointment in me. In the military, personal goals are always secondary to meeting the mission. Yet you are expected to have personal educational and fitness goals (this is one of the things that I like about the military) but they are always subjugated to the mission, as happened on this deployment.
I gained so much more as a human being, as a member of the military and as a leader on this deployment than I ever dreamed would be possible. Yet, I am having a hard time capturing these gains in words.
My stint at USFOR-A, approximately 5 months, is distinctly divided into two parts, marked by a change in leadership after the first three months. It is with sadness that I say that the energy and momentum of the first set of leadership was stifled by the second set of leadership (not intentionally). It was hard to stand by and watch it happen. My own trajectory in learning and contributing was meteoric the first three months, and then leveled out. I just can’t stop thinking on what we could have achieved if we could have continued on that trajectory, yet I am also grateful that I got another hour of sleep the last two months I was there…primarily because things were not as urgent anymore (influence of the new leadership). All around me, I could see that people did less because the new leadership expected less. To me, that is a sad commentary on the new leadership! This was a trap that I saw and tried to avoid, yet as I’ve already stated, I did get more sleep. :)
I was considered a rabble rouser many times, because I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut. To the old leadership, that just got me more work. To the new leadership, I just got blank stares. I swear I heard crickets some times. Most of the time, I got “that’s not my (our) job”. I was there to work. To do less or do nothing is a waste of my time, energy and talent (indeed, I could have gotten away with doing nothing). So, I just had to learn which battles to pick, and which things to do anyway. I reverted to my old favorite, ask forgiveness rather than permission. So, I guess that is the number one thing I learned—my time, energy and talent is mine alone, and I’m not about to let my environment be an excuse for squandering it.
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