Epilogue 1, August 3 & 4, 2010

When we arrived at Baltimore, the USO had 20 or more volunteers cheering us on. They had cow bells and whistles and made us feel really good. They also handed out goodie packages. That was a great welcome home. The USO is everywhere there are American troops, providing food, phones and internet, all free. What a great organization…it made me think of another possible activity in retirement…work for the USO.

As I review the last six months, it now all seems like a dream. The deployment was nothing like I thought it was going to be, and I didn’t achieve any of my personal goals—to finish Air War College, come home in ½ marathon shape and be a much better swimmer so as to start triathlon training. You would think that I would be disappointed, but I can’t find any disappointment in me. In the military, personal goals are always secondary to meeting the mission. Yet you are expected to have personal educational and fitness goals (this is one of the things that I like about the military) but they are always subjugated to the mission, as happened on this deployment.

I gained so much more as a human being, as a member of the military and as a leader on this deployment than I ever dreamed would be possible. Yet, I am having a hard time capturing these gains in words.

My stint at USFOR-A, approximately 5 months, is distinctly divided into two parts, marked by a change in leadership after the first three months. It is with sadness that I say that the energy and momentum of the first set of leadership was stifled by the second set of leadership (not intentionally). It was hard to stand by and watch it happen. My own trajectory in learning and contributing was meteoric the first three months, and then leveled out. I just can’t stop thinking on what we could have achieved if we could have continued on that trajectory, yet I am also grateful that I got another hour of sleep the last two months I was there…primarily because things were not as urgent anymore (influence of the new leadership). All around me, I could see that people did less because the new leadership expected less. To me, that is a sad commentary on the new leadership! This was a trap that I saw and tried to avoid, yet as I’ve already stated, I did get more sleep. :)

I was considered a rabble rouser many times, because I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut. To the old leadership, that just got me more work. To the new leadership, I just got blank stares. I swear I heard crickets some times. Most of the time, I got “that’s not my (our) job”. I was there to work. To do less or do nothing is a waste of my time, energy and talent (indeed, I could have gotten away with doing nothing). So, I just had to learn which battles to pick, and which things to do anyway. I reverted to my old favorite, ask forgiveness rather than permission. So, I guess that is the number one thing I learned—my time, energy and talent is mine alone, and I’m not about to let my environment be an excuse for squandering it.